Q: What's The Consultant's Role?
The essence of every romantic relationship can be broken into these four roles; Lover, Friend, Consultant, and Supporter. How often and how well you play each role will define the balance, health, and experience of your relationship dynamic. Too much of one and not enough of another may be the reason you and your partner feel "off". The way you play your roles may even be contributing to your relationship conflict.
The role of the Consultant is in the zone of work. This role and the other role in this zone, the role of Supporter, both come later in the relationship after a physical and emotional connection has been established and there is enough trust and regard to sharing more intimate details about fears and challenges. The role of Consultant comes on board when we need help or advice.
The main characteristics of the role of the Consultant are collaboration, advice, validation, and accountability. This role has a few sub-roles that may or may not be true for your relationship. The three main sub-roles are in areas of life that we are most likely to ask for advice, validation, and accountability for the financial, mental, and physical health of the relationship. Health would include the health of the individual, their partner, the family unit, and/or the health of children if the couple had children they cared for (either in common or any arrangement of co-parenting). Health can certainly also include the health of any other living thing in the couple's lives, such as plants, animals, and pets. In healthy relationships, both parties can consult collaboratively on individual health in finances, physical body, and mental/emotional areas of relating, as well as shared health in all areas. How much time, energy, and effort each person in the partnership plays in these roles will vary greatly from couple to couple and with seasons of life. This is an area that needs strong role relief and constant real-time adaptability to meet the current and changing needs of the lives of both parties.
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Balancing Relational Roles For Healthy Secure Relationships
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