Q: What Is The Friend's Role?
The essence of every romantic relationship can be broken into these four roles; Lover, Friend, Consultant, and Supporter. How often and how well you play each role will define the balance, health, and experience of your relationship dynamic. Too much of one and not enough of another may be the reason you and your partner feel "off". The way you play your roles may even be contributing to your relationship conflict.
The Friend's role can get entangled and bleed into the role of lover, but they are not the same. Remember, you already treat your friends differently from your lovers. Friends give us different things and meet different needs for us. Friends make us feel different than lovers do, even though both are in the zone of play.
The main characteristics of the role of friend are decompression, joy, play, and processing. These are great ways to ignite non-erotic intimacy and enjoy each other's company. Both the role of lover and the role of Friend can have romance, but the role of lover' when done right and balanced, feels like passion (sensation), whereas the role of Friend, when it is done right and balanced, feels like relaxation (experience).
Imagine a beautiful getaway where the weekend is a mix of making love and seeking adventure; that would be excelling in the zone of play while balancing the role of lover and the role of Friend. Let the role of friend be about games, curiosity, conversation, leisure, rest, humor, and emotional connection. The role of lover and the role of Friend both create emotional connection, but the role of lover is geared toward physical connection while the role of friend is geared toward emotional connection.
This is often the role we assume before we become lovers and where our fondest memories leading up to making love exist. This is where we laugh together, at each other, and the world. This is where we go to lick our wounds when life gets hard, and this is where we go to rebuild our relationship when being lovers feels too intimate after a break in trust happens. The role of Friend is the pathway back to the role of lover, but it is a completely different energy exchange. Recognizing the differences between the two roles in the zone of play will help you strike a balance that feels good for your relationship.
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Balancing Relational Roles For Healthy Secure Relationships
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