Question

There is a chance that you don’t resonate with the archetype that you got in the Relationship Archetype quiz. After working with singles and couples through this process, I have identified a few reasons why this happens. I will give some context to those now, but before I do, let me offer this heart-felt reminder.

Having an archetype is not a negative thing, it is a natural thing, and discovering your relationship archetype is a journey of insight, not a label. Remember, everyone embodies an archetype at various points in their relationship, reflecting the dynamic and multifaceted nature of human connections. These archetypes aren't fixed identities but rather, snapshots of how we might respond under certain circumstances. They don't define you or your relationship; instead, they offer a lens through which to view patterns, strengths, and areas for growth. Each archetype carries its own unique gifts, contributing positively to the tapestry of your relationship. Embracing your archetype can be a powerful step toward understanding, balance, and deeper fulfillment.

Reasons The Archetype You Got Is Not A Fit

You Are Single

^When you take this quiz as a single, you are likely not in the throes of your conflict style. Having a little distance from your conflict activation and patterned behaviors allows you to unwind them a bit. If this is sounding true for you, you likely got the Flame and this is a fine place to be as a single. The Flame energy is casual dating energy, exactly what you want when you are navigating life solo or just beginning to get to know the potential matches in your life. You are really good at the Lovers role in this moment. You will naturally onboard the friends role as relationships in your life progress. Knowing when to make the shift to onboard the consultant, supporter will be the deciding factor for whether you can access a healthy balance or stay in the archetype. Use the Flame Blueprint to work through these challenges before you start to date and you will have a much easier time creating healthy secure relationships in the future.

You Are In A New Relationship

When you take this quiz as a newly coupled person, you may have the “Rosie Colored Glasses” effect where, similar to the single, you are not active in your relational conflict behaviors. You have lots of tolerance for your partner’s quirks and you are really on your best behavior. This may even be considered a positive cognitive bias that can skew your results. Try the test again and see if there are any answers you can be a bit more realistic on.

You Have Just Completed A Cycle of Healing

If all of these questions felt like kind of a stretch for you and you were wanting a more neutral answer to choose from, then it is likely that you are balanced in your relational roles and experience less conflict in your relationship than the average person. Congratulations. This is a huge milestone, and also it’s a new beginning. It is in these transitions and shifts in life that new archetypes are likely to emerge. We are presented with new layers of our own healing, and new perspectives bring up new challenges. This also means that you likely embody more of the positive parts of this archetype than the challenges. Feel free to also read through all of the archetypes and see if another one resonates for you.

You Have Multiple Active Archetypes

You may have been just one question away from having a completely different answer. This is likely because you have two strong archetypes that show up equally. Try the test again to see if there are any answers you would change and see how this changes your outcome, or read through all the archetypes and see if another resonates for you.

Your Relationship is Unconventional But Balanced

It is possible that the way the roles work in your relationship is much different than the norm. Role balances is the cornerstone of this method, and archetypes only show up when the balance is off. Only you can decide what role balance you want and need in your relationship, which also means that only you can decide if the balance is off. If you feel like your relationship is healthy and secure and you both manage conflict well together, then you may only have the positive aspects of this archetype. Read through the archetype blueprint anyways; there will certainly be something that supports you in building an authentic connection outside of the traditional role norms.

You Have A Complexity That Is Not Captured Here

You may have something else going on that I am not aware of, have not encountered yet, or don’t see often. There are two things you can do in this case. The first is to head back to Q & A (www.rolesofrelating.com/ask ) and submit a question. Questions submitted there get answered on the website. Do a search of topics first to see if someone has already asked that question, and then check back often to see when the question does get published.

The second option is to work with me directly using the Relationship Archetype Method. The Relationship Archetype Method is a personalized deep dive into your relating style and conflict dynamics revealed to you by the Relationship Archetype Quiz but then interpreted and refined by discussions with me in an expert 1:1 coaching container. The method creates an actionable path toward security for couples based on their individual data using the roles, the zones, and the archetypes. This option may be the help you need in order to move fully toward healthy secure relationships. You do not need to have a unique situation to work with me; the method is great for any single or couple looking to challenge automatic behaviors in favor of deeper love and security. You can start this journey by booking a free intro call (https://calendly.com/doctorbrea/free-intro-call)

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